Belly Laughs

I know many of you that are pregnant or have kids look forward to babycenter.com weekly emails. Well, not only do I love hearing whether our little peanut is the size of an avocado or eggplant, I also love reading the belly laughs! Here are a few from the last couple of weeks. Can anyone relate?

The five best prenatal yoga postures
• The Pringle. Lie on your back with a can of chips balanced on your stomach. See if you can eat them all before you fall asleep.
• The Sneeze. As the sneeze approaches, squeeze your knees together, breathe in and out, and try to remember what it used to feel like to "hold it in." Keep this pose while you hobble to the bathroom to change your underwear.
• The Calf Cramp. Try to stretch around your belly and rub your leg while simultaneously screaming loudly enough to wake everyone in your zip code.
• The Pesto Burp. Bring your chin to your chest and exhale as silently as you can through your closed mouth. Reward yourself with a nice, meditative Fudgesicle.
• The Sleeping Hip. Lie on your side until you lose all feeling. Roll onto your other side and repeat. Namaste!

A question you may have about kegels
Why am I exercising my vagina when it's the only part of my body I actually want to get bigger?

Count your blessings
• The penis of a rhinoceros is 2 feet long.
• The penis of a mosquito is a hundredth of an inch long.
• The praying mantis bites her mate's head off while he impregnates her.
• Elephants are pregnant for two years.
• Many animals give birth to a dozen or more babies at a time.
• Your baby won't be born with hooves.

The pregnancy books you wish someone would write
• To Pee or Not to Pee (for the hundredth time tonight)
• Babies and Parasites: An Evolutionary Parallel
• The Vagina: A Stretchy, Stretchy Thing
• Men Who Love Granny Panties
• Honorable Discharge: A Sticky Memoir